Heart to Heart with Lieutenant Benson
by Anne Bensler
Summary: Major spoiler alert for season 17! My totally biased take on the Tuckson moments, starting with Collateral Damages. Was a one-shot but it has grown into a story. 7th and final chapter is up. NOT Tuckson but no Tucker bashing either. But it is E/O. Completed.
1. Collateral Damages

**So ... this little scene is for all the SVU die hard fans who just got sick after the latest episode. Major season 17 spoiler alert!  
Underlined print is from the actual show, which is owned by NBC and Dick Wolf.  
Unfortunately, this chapter will probably only make sense for a week. After that, the writers will pull us further into their parallel universe ... if we can still watch it.  
**

...

 **Sunday, February 14, 2016**

Olivia had spent some time with Pippa after the brief trial and had met up with Tucker after dinner. He had called, asking her if she was okay. He'd been doing that a lot lately, ever since the incident on January 4th.

"Abraham's family ... how do they start over after this?" he wondered out loud as they strolled down the street.

"I can't even think about it," Olivia admitted.

"You still up for that nightcap?"

"Yeah. I could really use a drink," she sighed and moved towards the bar they were just passing. The bar was packed and she really wasn't in the mood for a crowd. She turned around at Captain Tucker.

"Ehm ... you know what? Not here."

Tucker shrugged.

"Wherever you wanna go. You tell me."

"Okay."

Olivia sighed and glanced at the man next to her. She really needed that drink and despite their rocky history, the man had been nice to her over the past months. Lucy was out on a date but she had arranged for a close friend to sit with Noah and it was still early. She wasn't ready to go home yet. It was Valentine's Day for crying out loud. She just didn't want to be alone. She looped her arm through Tucker's and sighed again. Who would have thought ...

They found a quieter place a few blocks away and settled into a booth by the window. Olivia had expected Tucker to take the seat opposite her but he decided to scoot in next to her. He ordered for them and they sat together in silence until their drinks arrived. They clunked their glasses together, toasting to nothing in particular. Olivia could feel his eyes on her every now and then and she couldn't help wondering what he was thinking. They'd never been friends and had gotten in each others' crosshairs a lot in the past. She knew he'd gotten a little softer over the years and figured that must come with age. She was putting up less of a fight these days as well. Sometimes she was just so tired of it all. She took another sip of scotch and tried to relax as the liquid burned in her throat and found its way to her stomach. She grinned at the memories of her fights with Ed Tucker and here they were, on Valentine's Day no less.

"Wanna let me in on the joke?" Tucker asked, a small smile playing on his lips.

She looked at him, her eyebrows raised.

"You were smiling about something. Wanna share?" he asked again.

Olivia fixed her gaze on her glass again, turning it around on the table, and tilted her head.

"I was just thinking ... you used to really have it in for me back in the day. You seemed certain I was a dirty cop, or a dirty cop in the making."

Tucker cleared his throat and leaned forward, placing his elbows on the table.

"It was my job you know, to flush out any bad elements. And usually, where there's smoke, there's fire. I couldn't pick the cops I wanted to look into. There was just a lot of smoke around you ... you and your partner."

Olivia sighed and sank back into the cushion of her seat, suddenly unsure if she really needed this trip down memory lane. But Tucker was right. She and her partner. They'd gotten in trouble many times. It made sense to think something was off with them. Especially since they would always, _always_ back each others' play.

"You know, everyone was convinced there was something going on between the two of you," Tucker continued.

Olivia grabbed her glass and downed the rest of her drink in one go.

"Any truth to that?"

She signaled the waiter for another round and looked at Tucker, who was now leaning back as well.

"We had something," she admitted, speaking slowly. "But whatever it was, it never materialized."

"Hm."

Tucker nodded, and she thought she saw some relief in his features, but also disbelief.

"Never?"

"Never."

She hated the fact that she was still affected by this. By him. She swallowed hard, willing the waiter to move faster and get her another drink already. She blinked a few times but Tucker had already seen the moist in her eyes.

"But you wanted it to."

What was he, her shrink? She kept her eyes on her empty glass until it was finally replaced by a full one. She grabbed it and took another sip before looking at Tucker again.

"He was married," she stated.

"I know that. Doesn't stop a lot of people."

"Well, it stops me. And him."

Tucker put his arm behind her on the back of their seat and turned towards her. The gesture surprised her but it didn't make her feel uncomfortable.

"You two still in touch?"

"No. Well, we've called each other a few times. He called about eight months after his retirement to let me know he was moving away. And he called after my ... you know ... after Lewis."

"I hear he's divorced now."

Olivia was surprised. She knew, but she hadn't expected Tucker to know.

"Who told you that?" she asked. "Are you still keeping tabs on him?"

Tucker pursed his lips and wiggled his head.

"I made a few calls the other day."

"Why?"

He grabbed his glass and downed about half of it.

"Lieutenant ... Olivia ... I really like you. And I can tell you haven't been yourself lately. Well, for quite some time, actually. And as much as I'd like to spend more time with you myself ..."

Olivia's eyes went wide and her mouth fell open at his admission, but he wasn't done talking.

"I can see that you still miss the guy."

Fresh tears sprang into her eyes and she hated Tucker right now for being so nice and understanding to her.

"See," he said, gesturing at her. "There's no competing with that."

Olivia looked away and downed her second drink. Tucker put a hand over hers when she set the glass back down.

"That won't help Olivia. You know that better than anyone."

She nodded, looking at their hands on the table. She moved her hand from under his and put it on top of his hand, brushing the back of his hand gently with her thumb. She felt Tucker's other hand, which had been resting behind her on the back of the seat, move to her shoulder and then her neck. She looked up at him and was struck by the kindness in his eyes.

"I wanna be your friend Olivia," Tucker told her. "And as a friend, I wanna give you some advice."

At this point, she was ready to fall into his arms. Anything to take away the loneliness and the ache in her heart. He was going to tell her to put her partner out of her head. To forget about him and focus on the present. On the people who were still in her life as opposed to the ones who had left her. Her heart stopped when she heard his next words.

"Call him."

"Wh ... what?"

"Call Stabler. Ask him to meet you. Don't wallow in self-pity or settle for something less than what you deserve."

She was looking at the man next to her in disbelief.

"He wants to talk," he added.

Olivia slumped in her seat, leaning into Tucker unconsciously, and he pulled her into a very uncharacteristic hug. She returned the hug, believing for the first time that the man really had her best interest at heart. Why else would he be pushing her towards another man on Valentine's Day? He'd actually spoken with Elliot? About her? She suppressed a sob and pulled away to look into Tucker's eyes, asking him without words why he was doing this for her.

"I figured I owe you both for the shit I've given you over the years," he said dryly and Olivia laughed out loud, a hearty laugh, and she finally relaxed.

They ordered coffee to sober up and managed to find a few pleasant memories to chat about. Afterwards, Tucker walked her to her building and she wondered how they were going to say goodnight after such an unusual evening.

"So, you're gonna call him?" Tucker asked when they stopped in front of the door.

Olivia bit her lip and looked down at their feet.

"You really are a strange man, Captain Tucker," she mused.

He leaned in and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek.

"And you are a very special woman, Lieutenant Benson."

She smiled and as Tucker turned to walk away she told him,

"I'll call him."

...

...

 **A/N: Not much sense continuing this story I think, unless the new episodes provide room to explore this some more.**  
 **So, I haven't made Tucker the bad guy. Let me know what you think!**


	2. Manhattan Transfer

**March 3, 2016.  
** **Okay, so I'm still in denial ... desperately so. Feeling a bit nauseous ever since Olivia didn't deny it when Barba asked her if ... well, you were there. She should have denied it out loud. They're just friends. Right? In my world, they are. Friends hug. Friends are biased towards each other.**

 **Yes, my writer alias says it all. Only one ship for me and according to WL, it hasn't sailed completely ... woot! There were talks of a possible Meloni return finale if season 17 had been the last season. Let's hope they wrap it up before our lovely couple is really too old.**

 **Alright, on to my unrealistic and hopelessly hopeful take on Manhattan Transfer.**

...

Olivia and Tucker had met a few times for drinks, and she was enjoying his company. He'd asked her if she'd called Elliot yet, but she hadn't. She was actually a little nervous about it and thought that maybe Elliot should be the one to call. After all, he wanted to talk to _her_ , right? Tucker had just smiled at her and told her he certainly wasn't complaining about keeping her company in the mean time. Their talks were relaxed and she felt that she finally had a friend she could confide in. Having the head of IAB in her corner wasn't so bad after all.

And then they stumbled upon a case that shook both of them.

Olivia couldn't believe how quickly the case had grown to monstrous proportions. They were on to a sex trafficking ring with ties up to very high places. It seemed that everyone was either in on it or being set up. They were even looking at Tucker. She knew he'd looked at the two cops that were involved a year earlier but he'd told her that he couldn't make anything stick back then. But she couldn't believe what Barba was telling her now.

Her money was on Father Eugene, Tucker's cousin, and Tucker had been pretty fired up about his cousin being in on it. She literally had to push him to stop him from beating up Eugene. There was absolutely no love lost between the estranged cousins at all, and even Nina had pointed the finger at the priest before she ran off.

"A lot of judges are reluctant to hand out financial and cell phone records of priests," Barba had told her and Dodds when they came to ask about warrents for the two priests they were looking into.

Monsignor Mulrigen (sp) had paid Barba a visit and he wanted to talk to Olivia alone about it, so Dodds had stepped out. Olivia was confused.

"You wanna tell me what's going on?" she asked Barba.

"What do you really know about Tucker?"

Olivia shrugged, rather surprised by the question.

"We go way back. He's a straight shooter, intense. No nonsense."

Barba wondered if Tucker had ever abused his power or overreached.

"He almost destroyed both your partners," he reminded her.

"Yes. He arrested me too but we're way past that. What ... what is this about?"

Barba stood in front of her, a very serious look in his face.

"Monsignor Mulrigen's visit was not a social call. He has made some very serious allegations."

"Yeah. Against Father Eugene."

"No. Against Tucker."

Well, that was too ridiculous to even go into. Surely, Barba could see through this smearing campaign? Tucker supposedly buried a case against the two vice cops a year ago after father Eugene had come to him?

"And he's telling you this now?" Olivia asked, unable to hide her unrest about the enormity of the cover-up. She started pacing. "This is about protecting Father Eugene. I was there, at that church, when Tucker confronted him. I thought he was gonna rip his head off."

Barba wasn't sure but wondered out loud if maybe that had been what Tucker wanted her to think.

"No. Ed is not capable of that."

"Since when?" Barba asked. "I thought SVU hated this guy. He's gone after each and every one of you."

"That's his job. He has to be relentless. You're wrong about him, trust me!"

Olivia knew she was defending Tucker fiercely but Barba's next question took her completely by surprise.

"Wait ... Are you involved with him?"

She sighed. Define involved. They were becoming friends. Good friends, and she didn't have a lot of those. So yes, she was protective of the man who had admitted having a romantic interest in her but who wanted her to be happy above everything else. Either with him or with someone else.

"Don't ask me that," she told Barba, and took a few steps away from him.

"When were you gonna tell me? I am informing you that a Captain at IAB may be involved in a sex trafficking ring, and you don't mention that the two of you are sleeping together?"

Barba was pissed. Very pissed. She wasn't even going to dignify his last remark with an answer. She still wasn't over the fact that he even thought Tucker capable of such deceit. She didn't care what Barba thought of her right now. She walked back up to him and told him,

"You're wrong about him. Bring him in here. Ask him yourself."

Barba nodded slightly and told her,

"You and I are done talking."

...

She had to find Tucker and let him know what was going on and they agreed to meet at a café far away from both their homes and work places. She gave him a comforting hug before they sat down and he thanked her for coming.

"So what have you heard?" he asked, and she told him he was being investigated for sex trafficking, corruption and murder.

He told her he'd been invited to come in early the next morning. She couldn't believe it.

"Cousin Eugene set me up good."

He asked if she'd gotten the warrants yet for both priests' records but she told him they were stalled.

"I don't know if it was before or after Barba found out that I was .. biased towards you."

"Oh. Okay," Tucker said softly, and he reached for her hand, taking it in his. "You know how this goes. Don't stick your neck out. It'll look like you're covering for me."

He assured her that they couldn't prove anything because he hadn't done anything and told her to stay out of the case. Her phone buzzed and she pulled it out of her pocket to read the text message she'd received.

"Well, it just might be too late," she told Tucker after reading the text. "One PP wants to see _me_ ... immediately."

She left him at the café after telling him not to hit the bottle, and he smirked at her. She believed he was innocent of all these ridiculous charges but was nervous about being called in at this late hour by the brass.

A Lieutenant at IAB had taken over the case and it soon became clear that she was now under investigation as well. Olivia asked them why but as usual, she wasn't getting any clear answers from IAB. She was being sent home, effective immediately and ordered to put Sergeant Dodds in charge of SVU for the time being. She wanted to ask why Dodds and not Fin but swallowed the question. Right now, she didn't know who to trust. For all she knew, Dodds senior could also be in on this mess. Maybe that was why he'd tried to get his son out of SVU in the first place. Putting him in charge would be a suitable alternative, no doubt.

On her drive over to One PP, she had decided not to mention Ed Tucker unless they asked about him, and only respond to direct questions. Much to her surprise, they hadn't asked about him at all, just about Nina and Eugene and what they'd told her. She couldn't put her finger on it but something was off, even at IAB. It was something big but she still couldn't see it. When she got back to the station, she packed up her desk and put Dodds in charge as ordered. She was surprised her Sergeant hadn't been informed yet. He seemed just as stunned as Rollins and Carisi. She took the two evidence boxes with her belongings home with her and sent Tucker a text that she'd been suspended pending the investigation, and wished him luck.

After checking that Noah was sound asleep and letting Lucy go for the night, she flopped on her couch and closed her eyes. What a nightmare. She could really use a drink but heard Tucker's voice ringing in her head. _'That won't help Olivia. You know that better than anyone.'_ She went into the kitchen and grabbed a beer, figuring it contained more water and less alcohol and sat down again. She glanced at her phone. Tucker hadn't replied to her texts. She picked up the phone and opened her contacts menu. She scrolled through the names until she came across the familiar number. She'd love to talk to someone who had nothing at all to do with the mess she was in, just to get some unbiased feedback. She smiled at the word. She'd called herself biased towards Ed Tucker. It must be freezing in hell ... She shook her head and looked at her phone again. He would be so surprised to hear about her friendship with Tucker. She realized he might not be as unbiased as she wanted. Her thumb hovered over the call button. And then she pressed it.

"Stabler."

He sounded groggy and she knew he'd been asleep.

"Elliot ... I'm sorry to wake you."

She heard rustling and could picture him shooting up in bed, stunned to hear her voice.

"No ... it's okay. I ... I'm so glad you called."

They stammered through the usual polite 'how have you been's' and Olivia took a deep breath. It had been so long. How could they just pick up where they left off?

"El ... you wanna hear a funny story?" she asked him.

"Sure. I could use a good laugh," he answered, and she could hear he was grinning.

Then she told him about Tucker. About how he'd changed over time and was becoming a real friend to her. Elliot agreed that it was a great joke and she laughed. But he confirmed that Tucker had contacted him a while ago and had seemed genuinely concerned about her. Olivia smiled. She decided not to tell Elliot that Tucker was more than just concerned, and was pretty 'biased' towards her, knowing he would be less pleased with the man if he knew.

Olivia relaxed on the couch as she discussed the case with Elliot, and it was almost like old times, as if their five years apart didn't count. She could hear him get settled in his bed again and suddenly wished she could see him.

"Hey El," she said. "When all of this is over, would you like to go out for a drink some time?"

She could hear him hold his breath briefly before he spoke again.

"Liv, I'd love to."

...


	3. Unholiest Alliance (1)

**Let's see if we can make more sense of these Tuckson scenes in episode 18, Unholiest Alliance. No, this story is not for Tuckson shippers. I didn't choose my screen name by accident :)  
(PS. I know Olivia wasn't suspended but transferred, but since it turned out to be such a short transfer, I decided to stick with the suspension I threw in in chapter 2.)**

3.

The squad had been ordered to follow up on the allegations against Ed Tucker. Olivia was appalled at the lengths so-called men of God would go to protect their sordid business. They were ruining these girls' lives knowingly and were closing ranks fast 'for the good of the church'. Right. It was nauseating.

She had confronted Barba and while he didn't want to talk to her, he admitted he had told 1PP about her friendship with Ed. She had met up with Ed outside the offices of IAB and he was very restless. She couldn't blame him. Even sister Nina had bailed out and had left town. She was relieved to find that sergeant Dodds was on their side and was keeping her in the loop, off the record of course. At least he wasn't in on the massive cover-up so her squad was in good hands for now.

Elliot had called her back and they had agreed to meet up at a bar near where he lived now, since she had some time on her hands now. Olivia didn't know the bar, but when Ed texted her if they could meet, she gave him the same address. She could catch up with Ed before meeting Elliot. Then Dodds called her, asking to meet her as well and she grinned. Boy, was she popular today. She gave Dodds the same address and the time she was meeting Ed, so he could bring them up to speed together.

Ed was shocked to see pictures of his cousin in very compromising positions with a muscular young man, on the church altar no less. A scorned lover had informed Monsignor Mulregan about it too and the Monsignor was no doubt blackmailing cousin Eugene with the pictures. Things were gradually beginning to make sense again and both Ed and Olivia were relieved that Dodds and the team were continuing to dig until they'd get to the whole truth. They would use Eugene's 'trainer' to draw him out and see if he would be willing to turn on his blackmailers after all.

Olivia and Ed had another drink together and when Ed had to go, she told him she was meeting Elliot in fifteen minutes. Ed put a hand on her shoulder and smiled at her.

"It'll be good for you to have some distraction. You don't need all my crap in your life anyway," he said kindly. She was still amazed sometimes at how much things had changed between them. She put her hand over his on her shoulder and squeezed it encouragingly.

"Things will all work out Ed. You heard Dodds. The net is closing around these priests. You'll be cleared soon."

"Thank you, Olivia," Ed said sincerely. "It means a lot to me that you never stopped believing in me."

They said goodbye and Olivia sent a quick text to Lucy to make sure she was still picking up Noah from daycare, since she wasn't sure exactly how her appointment with Elliot would go, and she didn't want to be pressed for time. It had been ages since they really talked. Their last contacts had been a few phone calls. She hadn't even expected it anymore when he had called her out of the blue the first time, about eight months after his retirement. He had apologized to her for leaving without a word and she'd been so relieved to hear from him that she hadn't been able to get angry with him then. She'd been angry afterwards but since he had basically called to let her know he was moving away with Kathy and Eli, she hadn't bothered calling him again.

His second call had been a week after her abduction by William Lewis. She had been a mess and had just cried on the phone. When he had offered to come over she had said no. She was embarrassed enough that she couldn't control her emotions and she'd shut him down, saying she was with Brian and that he was taking good care of her. It hadn't been completely true because she couldn't even tell Brian what Lewis had done to her. Even in her own time of need, she was still protecting him. And in the end, their relationship hadn't survived their completely different views and expectations of life. The mention of Brian Cassidy had made Elliot retreat though. He hadn't contacted her again in any way, until she finally called him the other day.

And now they were meeting. For the first time in almost five years. She had been so preoccupied with Ed's situation and her own suspension that she hadn't had time to get nervous. But now, waiting for him alone at the bar, she was beginning to feel jittery. Had he changed much? Did he stay in shape? And most importantly, would he want to rekindle their friendship? She had looked at the door several times when someone opened it and finally, she saw the outline of his broad shoulders outside as he walked up to the door. She blew out a breath slowly as she stood up from her barstool. His blue eyes lit up immediately when he saw her and she could feel herself blushing. How could this man still make her weak in the knees after five years?

As he walked up to her, she took his appearance in quickly. He had definitely stayed in shape and the light blue tight t-shirt he was wearing underneath his black leather jacket really brought out the muscles of his chest as well as the color of his eyes. The facial hair was new. He had a modest, greying goatee and she had to admit it looked good on him. She realized she had been staring when he stopped in front of her with a very cocky smile on his face.

"You look great too Liv," he said and her cheeks got even redder. _Busted_.

She pushed him in the shoulder, feigning annoyance, but couldn't help laughing. The tension was broken immediately and when Elliot reached for her, she moved forward, wrapping her arms around his waist and pulling him close. Elliot put his arms around her shoulders and they held each other for a few moments before releasing each other a little reluctantly. Elliot glanced past her at the drink on the bar.

"You started without me?" he asked.

"No ... well. Ed was here earlier."

"Ed?"

"Tucker."

She looked away, turning to grab her drink.

"You wanna sit at the bar or take a booth?" she asked quickly but her distraction tactics didn't work.

"Tucker? Drinks with Tucker? What did I miss?"

Olivia stepped aside and brushed past him to find an empty booth.

"Only about five years of my life," she muttered in passing.

They sat down and a waitress popped up right away to take their orders. After the girl dashed off to get them their drinks, Elliot leaned on the table and looked at her inquisitively.

"So tell me," he said softly. "About those five years. Last I heard, you were with Cassidy."

He still said the man's name as if it was a swear word and Olivia couldn't help smiling slightly, but she wasn't going to make it easy for him.

"Last I heard, you got a divorce," she fired back. "So I guess I'm better informed than you are. Where have you been Elliot?"

It was time to start repairing the damages and she could see Elliot knew that. They couldn't just pick up where they left off five years ago. So they settled in and Elliot told her about how he'd come to the conclusion that he couldn't do his job anymore. Even if it was deemed a good shoot, he just didn't want to do it anymore, and he couldn't face anyone who was somehow connected to the job for quite a while. Including Olivia. Then Kathy had started pressuring him into moving away from the city altogether, to make a clean break. Olivia suspected this also had to do with her close friendship with Elliot, that had always worried Kathy. She didn't interrupt him though, and let him talk.

He'd called her when they were ready to move away, in a last attempt to salvage some of what they used to have as partners and friends. While Olivia had appreciated the call, it hadn't done much for her. It had only made his departure even more final. On top of that, she had just been dumped by David Haden. Not the best time to get a call from her long lost partner, telling her he really wasn't coming back.

Then, a little over a year later, he'd seen her on the news. It had hit him hard and he had felt guilty for not being there for her. He still did. But when she told him she had someone taking care of her, he had made an effort to try and be happy for her. But by then, new cracks had started to show in his eternally strained marriage. Moving away had not had the effect Kathy had hoped for. In fact, him being home more had only increased the tension between the spouses. So after another year, they decided to pull the plug once and for all. It wasn't a healthy environment for Eli to grow up in and they were both miserable. Elliot had moved back to New York, and was currently living in Brooklyn. He hadn't planned on contacting her again, since he thought she was living a happy life of her own now, until none other than Ed Tucker contacted him.

"I gotta tell you Liv, Tucker was the last person I had expected to call me."

Olivia was still digesting the information he had just given her about his life after his retirement, and gave him a small smile.

"Well, I guess some things really do change. He's actually becoming a real friend."

Elliot looked at her and it looked like he wanted to ask her something. He reconsidered, looked back down at his drink and then looked up again.

"So. How 'bout you? You're leading the squad now? Well, before your suspension anyway. How did that happen?"

Olivia cocked an eyebrow.

"How do you think?" she asked. "You don't think I'm fit for the job?"

Elliot leaned back in his seat and put his hands up in surrender.

"Sorry, that's not what I meant. I'm sure you're doing great. I'd just like to know how you developed on the job after, you know ..."

"After you left."

Elliot nodded, his blue eyes searching her browns for clues as to how she was really doing. Olivia leaned back in her seat as well and decided to give him the abbreviated version.

"Well, first Munch retired, then Cragen asked me to take the sergeant's exam because his retirement was coming up as well. I took it and was put in charge temporarily when Cragen retired. Then 1PP decided they wanted a lieutenant to head up the squad so Ed suggested I take the lieutenant's exam. I did and I got the position permanently. That's how that happened."

"So it all worked out for you in the end."

"Jobwise, yes."

If he was looking for some kind of reassurance that she was doing just great without him, she wasn't going to give it to him.

"And personally? I can't help noticing you mention _Ed_ a lot."

Olivia gave him a half smile. That was the Elliot Stabler she'd known so well.

"So? Like I told you, he's becoming a real friend. I don't have a lot of those."

"That why he called me?"

"I guess. I don't know what he said to you," she replied honestly.

"He told me he was worried about you. That you haven't been yourself and if I would talk to you."

"What did you tell him?"

"Liv, to be honest, I wasn't sure you would want to talk to me. So I just said if you needed to talk, you could always call me. And he said he'd tell you."

She nodded. He had. He had encouraged her to call Elliot, because he knew she still missed him. Ed really cared about her and wanted her to be happy.

"You called," Elliot continued, "so I guess you needed to talk. I wanna be your friend again, Liv. If you'll still have me. But it's up to you. I know I have no right to just assume there is still a place for me in your life after I walked out the way I did."

"Okay."

"Okay? What does that mean?"

What did that mean? God, how needy could she be? She was 47, it's not like she had never asked someone to meet her again. She took a deep breath and looked at her bearded companion. She had missed him. Most of all, she had missed his eyes. The way he could look right through her and understand her without saying anything. She wanted that back. Ed was being a true friend but this was Elliot. He was still the same man and he still affected her - more than she cared to admit after just one talk. So she made a decision.

"It means that I would like to see you again. Soon. Maybe you can bring Eli and I can bring Noah."

Elliot's eyebrows shot up.

"Who's Noah?"

...

 **A/N: Can't fit all of this in one chapter because El & Liv really had a lot of catching up to do, so look for the second installment of my take on "Unholiest Alliance - the Tuckson moments" soon. Hopefully it will still make sense after Wednesday's new episode (but I expect it will, unless they shock us with a bedroom scene, in which case I will have to wrap this one-two-three shot up quickly with a fourth and final burst** **).**


	4. Unholiest Alliance (2)

**Okay, I had some time to spare so here is the rest of my take on "Unholiest Alliance - the Tuckson moments". No Tucker bashing here, just no shipping either. Enjoy! ( Re-posting because something seemed off this morning when I posted the first time.)**

4.

Olivia explained to Elliot who Noah was and how he came into her life and it moved her how happy he was for her. He knew she'd always wanted a child and she could see actual tears in his eyes when he congratulated her with her baby. She showed him a few pictures of Noah on her phone, and he showed her pictures of Eli on his. She couldn't believe how big Eli had gotten. He was eight already and Elliot assured her he would be thrilled to meet Noah.

"He's been bugging me for a baby brother for ages," Elliot added and when their eyes met, they were both a bit shocked at the implication of his words.

"Ehm, I mean ... so he would be very happy to have a younger kid to play with," Elliot stammered, and Olivia got busy putting her phone away, trying to hide the blush on her cheeks. Damn him for making her feel like an awkward teenager at her age.

The subject of the kids helped them relax up to a point though, and after another drink they exchanged addresses and agreed to meet up again soon, with their boys. Olivia needed to get home to relieve her sitter, and Elliot smiled when they said goodbye, saying he loved the sound of that.

"Olivia Benson needs to relieve her sitter. Perfect."

Olivia shoved him playfully but appreciated how happy he was for her to finally have the child she always wanted. They walked out together and split up to find their cars.

"I'll call you," Olivia promised.

"Don't wait too long," Elliot said and they both smiled.

...

Olivia and Ed were having drinks the next day to catch up and he was glad to here that she had been able to talk with Elliot and to begin mending fences with him. Still, the case was weighing heavily on them. Sister Nina had been raped and killed by Father Akintola who was in the wind, and Father Eugene wasn't cooperating. Meanwhile, the church seemed to have an answer for everything.

"There's not a move in the playbook they don't have at least a dozen defenses for," Ed sighed. Things weren't looking good for him.

Olivia's phone buzzed and she checked her messages. Dodds had sent her a text: _CNM Live, now. Mulregan and Catalano._

"Hold on. Here's another one," she said and she asked the bartender to turn on the news.

They watched as Father Eugene was being hung out to dry on television. The Monseignor maintained that 'members of the NYPD Vice Squad and Internal Affairs Bureau' had been the ones who had blackmailed Eugene into helping them traffic troubled girls from their school. They were stunned.

"It's the scorched earth defense," Olivia said, feeling defeated. "I almost feel sorry for Eugene."

"I don't," Ed said harshly.

Then bishop Catalano himself announced that they had asked the FBI to take over the investigation. Ed was pissed and jumped up. He reminded her so much of Elliot right now that it was uncanny. He wanted to hit something and she decided they should get some air. Ed let her lead him outside and they walked the few blocks back to her apartment as he walked off the stress. She asked Ed to come up with her so they could talk some more, while she let Lucy go for the day. They played with Noah for a while and Ed made them coffee while Olivia put her son to bed a while later.

Ed was grateful that she was doing everything she could to keep him calm.

"Well, I do have some experience with cooling off hothead cops," she joked, and Ed grinned.

"I can imagine. There's a reason Stabler got under my skin so much."

"And you under his," Olivia added while Ed handed her a mug of coffee.

"Right. We're more alike than I cared to admit back then."

"I've noticed," Olivia said, smiling. "You're both hell-bent on getting justice, no matter the cost. And you both have a temper."

Olivia's phone rang and she answered it quickly when she saw it was her sergeant. Dodds asked if he could come over and she told him to come right away. He arrived fifteen minutes later.

"In the spirit of transparency, my father has made it clear that he's willing to throw you both under the bus," Dodds announced.

"Oh, yeah? Are you driving it?" Ed barked at the younger man.

"Ed, he called us," Olivia said, trying to diffuse the immediate tension between the two men. It wasn't helping much but when Ed realized they were truly out of options, he knew what he would have to do.

"You gotta love the irony, though, huh? All these years, telling cops to put in their papers before charges get filed ... Now it's my turn."

Ironic maybe, but definitely not funny. And where did that leave her? Dodds left and she thanked him for his support. Ed got up to leave as well and she made him promise he wouldn't do anything stupid.

"Don't worry Olivia," he said as he stepped out into the hallway. "I'll be fine."

She shook her head as she closed and bolted the door. That had always been her line. And she always used it when she was anything but fine.

...

Olivia had been pleased with Sonny Carisi over the past months but right now, she could just kiss him. He singlehandedly uncovered the entire sex trafficking ring by having an intense heart to heart with Father Eugene. Eugene gave up the location of six boxes filled with meticulous records of everyone and everything, the girls, the johns, the parties, the works. Barba convened a Grand Jury and everyone involved folded quickly when they were faced with the overwhelming evidence. The vice cops and their Captain all admitted that they had been asked by Monsignor Mulregan to frame Ed Tucker and Ed was cleared of all charges, while a host of other officials were being indicted. Monsignor Mulregan was arrested in the church, and Father Akintola was arrested at the airport.

Olivia was meeting Ed to celebrate the good news and he joined her for a glass of wine in stead of his usual bourbon.

"So you get to keep your job," Olivia said with a relieved smile.

"And you get yours back," Ed replied. In fact, she would be back at SVU first thing the next morning.

"Congratulations to us," she said and they clunked their glasses together.

Olivia downed her remaining wine and signaled the bartender for a refill. She was getting a little buzzed and she didn't even mind that Ed had put his hand on her thigh. She saw Ed's demeanor change though and wondered what he was thinking.

"What?"

Ed waited for the bartender to leave and looked away from her.

"Nothing. It's... it's just, I thought, you know... I know this has been stressful and everything. I thought we could take it easy tonight."

She was surprised and wondered if maybe he wanted to go home early.

"Oh, okay," she said. "I thought we were celebrating."

"Oh, we are. It's just..."

He hesitated and she finally understood. He was still concerned about her drinking. She smiled.

"I get it. You're just looking out for me."

She knew he had feelings for her and his soft voice actually struck a nerve with her when he said,

"Always."

She was grateful and Lord knows, she really needed a friend. She wanted to hug him but decided against it. She shouldn't lead him on. His hand was beginning to burn a hole in her thigh as it was. So she grabbed his hand in stead, and kissed his knuckles, hoping he would know how much she truly appreciated his concern. He smiled warmly at her and she smiled back shyly as she released his hand. Ed grabbed his glass again and she did the same. Just one more for the road.

...

...

 **Please review, I'd like to know what you think. I know I'm in denial, I'm not denying that :)**  
 **As for the people who feel we E/O shippers should move on and write something else, like Barson or Tuckson: there are other writers doing that. I'm not. Please go and read those other stories and skip Olivia E. Bensler from now on ;)**


	5. Assaulting Reality

**So ... this story needs another chapter before the season 17 finale hits us ...**

...

 **5\. Assaulting Reality**

Olivia had tried to explain to Noah they were meeting another boy he could play with but she wasn't sure if he knew what she had been telling him. It might have something to do with the fact that she was nervous. Again. Her first meeting with Elliot after all that time had gone well, she thought. A little strained, but that shouldn't surprise her. She had been extremely busy at work, and it had been a while since their talk at the bar. And now they were finally meeting up again, at a playground with the kids. It was a neutral place to meet, with enough distraction so it wouldn't have to be awkward. She wondered if it was wise to let Elliot back in her life, now that she was building something new with Noah. He had let her down before, and she still had difficulty accepting that he hadn't come to her when his world was falling apart. He had always leaned on her, and God knows she'd needed him to lean on a few times as well. She'd been so lonely that she'd even let Ed Tucker get closer to her. Ed Tucker of all people. What if she opened her heart for Elliot again, and he bailed out on her again?

Her thoughts were still a little jumbled when she arrived at the playground, Noah tugging on her hand impatiently. He couldn't wait to go and play and wasn't especially interested in the other boy they were meeting. Once they were close to the playground, Olivia let Noah go and he ran over to one of the seesaws right away.

"Mommy too, mommy too!" he shouted, trying to climb up on one end of the seesaw while looking back at her. She would have to push the seesaw down at the other end.

"Maybe Eli can help, little man," Olivia heard a very familiar voice rumble and she turned around to find Elliot and Eli standing directly behind her, both grinning at her.

"Sheesh, you startled me," she said, hoping that would explain away her flushed cheeks.

She quickly turned her attention from Elliot's bright blue eyes to Eli, amazed at how big he'd gotten.

"Hey Eli, I'm Olivia," she said, holding out her hand.

"I know," Eli said, and he shook her hand politely. "You were my dad's friend at work."

"That's right," she said with a smile but the smile was wiped off her face quickly when she heard Noah scream behind her.

"Maaaaa! Come!"

Elliot chuckled when she rushed over to her son quickly, and he walked to the other side of the seesaw with Eli.

"Let's do this together, Liv," he said, as he tilted the seesaw a little so Eli could climb on without launching little Noah.

Olivia held Noah while Eli hopped on the seesaw, and they played together for a while, the boys on the seesaw and the parents making sure nobody went up or down to fast. When Noah got tired of the seesaw, both boys found some other kids to play with, and Olivia and Elliot sat down on a nearby bench to watch them play.

"How have you been Liv?" Elliot asked her, draping his arm behind her on the backrest of the bench casually.

Olivia's eyes never left her son, and she tried to relax while chatting with Elliot about work and the kids. They had never done much idle chitchat and it felt strange to sit here with him like this. They used to either argue about huge issues or cases, or say nothing. How could she talk about the weather with him? Elliot was much too relaxed for her liking and she decided to prod a little.

"You seem awful pleased with yourself El," she remarked, glancing at his profile.

That short goatee did look good on him. Elliot chuckled and looked at her.

"Why wouldn't I be? It's a lovely day and I'm here with you."

Olivia looked away, suddenly very interested in a few small birds beneath another bench. She wasn't sure if she was ready for a more personal conversation. She knew she still loved him. She could never really get over him. But what if he wanted to be just friends, again? She did have a child to consider now. Maybe it would be for the best to just be friends. At least she'd have him in her life and if he walked out again, it wouldn't hurt so much.

She shook her head at her own foolish thoughts. Of course it would hurt so much, again. If she really wanted him in her life again, they would have to talk about it. Out loud. With actual words. She took a deep breath and checked her son once more before she looked at Elliot again.

"And how long are you planning on staying this time, Elliot?"

She hadn't meant to go on the offensive, but her words had sounded harsher than she was feeling. In fact, she was feeling quite vulnerable. She was admitting between the lines that she was afraid he'd walk out on her again. Elliot hung his head and retracted his arm, clasping his hands in his lap in stead and leaning forward. She suddenly missed his arm behind her but didn't know how to get it back there.

"I guess I deserve that," he said, not looking at her. "I know I should have talked to you back then and at least run my decisions by you but ... I was just afraid to face you."

"Afraid?"

Her voice had shot up much higher than she'd intended and Elliot glanced at her before nodding.

"Yeah. I didn't care what anyone else thought of me back then, but _you_ ..."

She didn't want to feel it but there it was again. Hope. Hope that she might mean more to him after all. But he should have trusted her. He should have known she would have been able to handle it. She'd always been able to handle him. A warm feeling spread in her chest when Elliot sat up and put his arm behind her on the bench again.

"I'm just relieved that you called me and that we're talking again," he said softly, and the familiar, low timbre of his voice made her shiver.

"Me too El. I want us to be friends again."

Elliot looked at her intently now, and she looked away, finding Noah and Eli with her eyes.

"Friends?" Elliot asked. "I can do that."

She looked at him then, wondering why he suddenly sounded a little tense. Their eyes locked and she could see a whirlwind of emotions in his eyes. He'd always been so intense and it was what had always drawn her to him. He fueled her, made her feel alive. Made her feel like it really mattered what they were doing day in day out. He was making her feel it again. Like it mattered that she was there. Like she mattered. They kept staring into each others' eyes until Eli's voice broke the spell.

"Dad! Look!"

Eli was dangling upside down from a climbing rack, and Noah was attempting to climb up there as well. Both parents were on their feet in an instant, Olivia to stop Noah from trying to copy Eli's actions, and Elliot to make sure Eli would have a soft landing. The boy had managed to hang from just his feet and he might fall on his head if he lost control or let go.

"Nooo," Noah whined, when Olivia hoisted him up on her hip and he started squirming in her arms. "Noah too!"

She couldn't convince the little man that it was dangerous, and she was relieved when Elliot plucked Eli off the rack and set him to his feet.

"Son, try to distract Noah okay? He's too little to try what you just did," Elliot told his son softly, and Eli nodded, grinning at his father.

"I'm not little anymore huh dad?" he said softly and Elliot winked at him.

"No, you're not. Can you look after Noah for us?"

Eli nodded again and Olivia set her son down carefully. Before he could rush to the climbing rack again, Eli got his attention when he said,

"Hey Noah, you wanna go on the swing? I'll push you!"

Noah's eyes sparkled and he let Eli take his hand to go find a free swing together.

"Ewi push Noah," she heard her son repeat as they walked off together and Olivia smiled.

Elliot stood next to her and they watched their boys in silence. Maybe they had provided a little too much distraction, but it was nice to be together again. As friends.

...

When Ed asked her out for a drink again, she said yes. Why not? He was good company and she wasn't going to be hung up on one man all over again. They ordered something to eat at the café as well, and Olivia had some tea. She was finding that drinking tea was actually more relaxing than wine, at a lot healthier too. She glanced at the television behind the bar, where the host of some kind of dating show was making an overly enthusiastic announcement of todays episode of the show.

"I'm sorry, can you turn this off?" Olivia asked the bartender.

"Or just throw the TV out?" Ed chimed in and couldn't agree with him more.

"Who actually watches this show?" she asked, not knowing that the show would actually become her next case the next morning.

If it wasn't so tragic, it might actually have been fun to give the so-called reality dating show a reality check. In stead, the producers played Olivia and her team. Late on the next afternoon, Ed had just come in to ask Olivia out to dinner again. She said she wasn't really in the mood to go out, and wanted to spend some time with Noah.

"We can order in, have it ready by the time we get to your place," Ed suggested, surprising her by actually inviting himself over to her place.

"Sounds romantic," she grinned, picturing it already. Ed trying to lay out the table and Noah knocking everything over.

Just then, Carisi came into her office, asking her to come and see the broadcast from the Heart's Desire studio, which pictured the producers as the heroes and SVU as not quite competent to solve a rape case. They had fabricated a story by editing recorded bits so cleverly, that it looked like they had solved the case, and not SVU. And Lizzie, the on-set producer, was their scape goat. Olivia couldn't watch it and asked Carisi to turn the TV off. She'd lost her appetite too and told Ed she was sorry. He understood and asked for a raincheck. Olivia smiled. Why not?

...

Olivia had actually made it home in time to have dinner with Noah, and spend some quality time with him, then give him his bath and read him three stories before tucking him in for the night. It was the perfect end to a not so perfect two days and she flopped on the couch with a cup of hot tea. She didn't turn the TV on and just sat there quietly. She was content. The case wasn't over but they'd get there.

She sighed when her phone started ringing, praying it wasn't work related. When she picked it up from the table, she saw it was Elliot.

"Hey," she said, curling up on the couch again.

"Hey you, I saw you on TV tonight."

She laughed.

"Don't tell me you watch those stupid non-reality shows El. I think I'd lose my respect for you if you did."

She could practically hear him grin at the other end of the line.

"No, I assure you I don't," Elliot answered. "Liz called me, told me to switch to that channel immediately because you were on. Didn't know you were that desperate for a guy Liv. A dating show?"

Olivia laughed heartily, throwing her head back.

"Yeah well, the ones I like keep walking out on me so ..." she joked, but she regretted her words immediately, realizing they were hitting a little too close to home.

There was a brief silence between them and then Elliot spoke again.

"Have you ever had one come back to you Liv?"

...

 **A/N: Well, that seems like a good place to stop. I think I tucked those two little Tuckson scenes away very nicely here.  
Since** **I have absolutely no idea what kind of curve ball they are going to throw at us in the finale, I'm just going to wait and see how this can continue ... Whatever happens, I'll try to give this story a nice ending though - or a nice break until season 18 ... whichever will seem more plausible in just two weeks time! Feel free to share your thoughts. Thanks :)**


	6. Heartfelt Passages

**Well ... that was a challenge to 'fix'. Here's my take on Heartfelt Passages and after this, I will be wrapping up this story. It will not continue into season 18 because WL managed to seal the deal before leaving the show. In a way, I feel sorry for the new showrunner because there is no way around Tuckson now, unless they want to break Liv's heart once again. And I am very conflicted about that ... go Tuckson?**

... **  
**

 **6\. Heartfelt Passages**

 _"Have you ever had one come back to you Liv?"_

The seriousness of Elliot's question didn't escape her, and while they had just been joking, it deserved a serious answer.

"No," she answered truthfully. "So far, none of the men that walked away have ever come back to me."

She'd hooked up with Brian Cassidy a second time, but he had never walked out on her. She'd broken it off the first time, and they did it together the second time. But David had never come back. And neither had Elliot. Until now.

"All men are idiots Olivia."

"Takes one to know one?" she asked, trying to lighten the mood a little bit.

"Absolutely," Elliot answered, still very serious. "Walking away from you was the dumbest thing I ever did."

Olivia didn't know what to say. She was glad they were finally talking again but she wasn't sure if he just wanted to be friends again, like they had discussed at the playground, or if there was still more between them. There had been times she'd been sure of it. The lingering looks, the smiles and little touches. And their wordless conversations, feeding off each other in interrogations and encouraging each other when things went badly, either at work or personally. She'd felt so grounded with Elliot by her side. But it had been so long. She didn't want to set herself up for more heartache yet again. So she finally dismissed Elliot's words.

"Well, I'm glad you're walking my way again El. We should stay in touch this time."

...

The team managed to solve the case and get the show's producers to admit the cover-up. All they were left with now, was Melanie, the victim. She was going back home to Idaho and Olivia walked her out.

"I don't know what I'm gonna do when I get home. I feel lost," Melanie admitted.

"That's normal," Olivia assured her. "It takes time, Melanie. But you will get through this, I promise."

"Do you know what the worst part is?" Melanie asked her, a deep sadness in her eyes. "I actually thought that Ryan and I were in love. I thought he was going to ask me to marry him in the finale, and we were going to live happily ever after."

Olivia sighed when Melanie walked off to greet her mother, who had come to pick her up. Did she even believe in happily ever after anymore? It was her and Noah now, and maybe it should just stay that way. She loved Elliot, but she'd been used to loving him from a distance for years. He was a free man now, but she couldn't just pick up where they left off five years ago. Too much had happened to her since then. They had both changed, and maybe that was a good thing. They weren't at each others' throats anymore. A small smile played on her lips when Olivia walked back up to the squad room. It was sad really, that she considered her fights with Elliot as part of the good old days. But she'd felt so alive then. It had all been so intense.

Deep in thought, Olivia didn't even notice Ed Tucker standing outside her office until she practically bumped into him.

"Oh, sorry," she mumbled. "I didn't see you."

Tucker raised an eyebrow but didn't comment. Here was another intense male specimen in her life. Her fights with him over the years definitely weren't part of the good old days. But he was getting softer now that he was getting older, and he had become a different kind of constant in her life. A friend. He followed her into her office and asked her if she would like to have dinner with him. Just like that, out of the blue. Registering her surprise, he grinned.

"Yeah, I know. You're seeing Stabler again. But you can still have dinner with me, right? Just to catch up? Bring Noah too, we can go early."

Olivia smiled at the mention of her son. Noah had been her lifeline this past year. He was the one she calmed down with after a disturbing dream and he was the one who woke her up each day, whether she wanted to get up or not. Having dinner with Tucker and Noah together sounded like a great idea.

"Alright, that sounds like fun," she said, smiling at the Captain of IAB. "But I can't set a date yet. You know ..."

She gestured around her, indicating the piles of case files on her desk.

"Yeah, I know. I'll call, okay?"

"Okay."

...

Dinner plans were on hold for a while when SVU caught a case against Munson, one of the Corrections Officers and Rikers. The case turned ugly fast and everyone was on edge after Barba received some threats. Munson's wife was now also convinced of his guilt and wanted to leave him, with their two children. The union was busy raising his bail so Olivia gave her her phone number and told her to get out of the house before her husband came back, and to call if she needed anything.

Back in the squad room they had a small farewell party for Sergeant Dodds, who would be leaving the unit after today when the wife called. Munson was already home and she didn't know what to do. She wanted out and asked for her help. Mike Dodds volunteered to go with her to get them out, on his very last day in the unit, saying that the man would listen when confronted with a Sergeant as well as a Lieutenant. Olivia couldn't argue with that and they left.

Things got out of hand and while Olivia managed to get the children out of the house, when she returned, the door was locked and Mike was still inside with the Munsons. Gary Munson had pulled a gun on him and his own wife. Mike got shot while trying to get the gun from the husband and guilt washed over Olivia when she saw him lying there, bleeding on the floor. She never should have left him alone. He shouldn't even have been there on his last day. The only one she could think of to send a quick text was Ed Tucker, and he met her at the hospital.

It was comforting to have Ed around, and she even managed to get some sleep during the night, nodding off on his shoulder in the waiting room while they waited for news about Dodds. At first, it looked like her Sergeant was going to be alright, but after a few hours, blood clogs caused hemorrhaging in the brain and then a massive stroke, and he was pronounced brain dead. Chief Dodds was heartbroken and Olivia spiraled down fast into her feelings of guilt. She managed to push through until after the funeral but took a week off after that, holing up in her apartment with Noah. She didn't want any visitors and didn't answer her phone. She would only read text messages, in case something really urgent required her attention, but other than that, she just needed to be with her son.

The weather was great and after a few days, she didn't think it was fair to Noah to keep him cooped up all day long, so they went out for a stroll to a nearby playground. When she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket, she checked it for a text and saw it was from Elliot.

 _'Heard about your sarge. Want some company?'_

She checked her missed calls, and sure enough, a few were from Elliot. The fact that he'd reached out with a text told her that he still knew her well. She replied to his question.

 _'At the playground with Noah, catching some sun. Are you in the neighborhood?'_

His reply was almost instant.

 _'Be there in 5.'_

Olivia kept a watchful eye on Noah, who was playing happily with a few other young children. She was sitting on a bench where Elliot had just joined her. She knew he was looking at her, trying to read her mood. She was still devastated over Mike's death and the pain Chief Dodds must be feeling. If she ever lost her son, she didn't know if she'd survive it.

"You're feeling guilty," Elliot said out of the blue and she frowned when she looked at him.

One corner of his mouth tugged up and he shrugged. He could still read her like a book. Olivia looked down at her hands and then back up to check where Noah was. She nodded slightly.

"He shouldn't have been there. It was his last day ..."

Her voice gave out and she blinked back her tears, pursing her lips and looking away from Elliot completely. She tried to sit up straight when she felt Elliot's arm wrap around her shoulders. He was holding her loosely but she felt like she was going to explode. Everything she was trying to keep inside, for Noah's sake, was bubbling to the surface.

"Have you talked with your therapist yet?" Elliot asked softly, and she found comfort in the sound of his voice, that had always been so familiar to her.

She shook her head.

"Not yet."

Her words were barely a whisper and she was taking deep breaths, trying not to break down in front of him.

"You should."

She knew. Dr. Lindstrom was very good at putting things in perspective. But she wasn't ready to deal with Mike's death. It shouldn't have happened. Not on her watch. Elliot's arm held her a little tighter and she leaned into him a bit.

"It's okay," he said softly, rubbing his cheek against the side of her head, and it was all she needed. Her shoulders started shaking and she buried her face in Elliot's chest, clinging to his jacket when she finally allowed the tears to flow. Elliot wrapped both arms around her and just held her while she let it all out. She cried until she couldn't cry anymore and Elliot waited patiently, keeping an eye on Noah for her, and glaring at anyone who looked at them too long. When Olivia finally came up for air, they leaned back against the backrest of the bench and she put her head on his shoulder. She chuckled when he handed her a handkerchief, because it was a little late for that. His jacket and shirt were already soaked.

She pulled a bottle of water from her bag, took a few sips and breathed out slowly.

"Feel better?" Elliot asked.

"A little," she admitted. "I'm just exhausted."

"Understandable. Just don't put it all on yourself, okay? Talk to your shrink."

"I will, El."

She looked up at him and Elliot reached up to caress her cheek.

"You'll be fine," he assured her, and for once, she believed she would be.

Their eyes remained locked and she could see the emotion in his blues while he was reading her browns. When he leaned in, she wasn't surprised. Her heart was beating fast but she'd known it was coming. When his lips touched hers, their eyes slipped shut and something resembling a surge of electricity coursed through her body. Only in her dreams had they ever dared to take this step. To cross that invisible line that had always been between them. And now he was kissing her. And she was kissing him. It wasn't a long kiss but his lips were soft and when she sighed he nipped at her lower lip before releasing her to look into her eyes again.

She stared at him and saw regret seep into his eyes. He was sorry he kissed her?

"Liv ... I ... I don't want to take advantage of ... your state of mind, okay? I'm sorry if that was too soon."

His words implied so much that Olivia needed a minute to collect herself. 'Too soon' meant that he had wanted to kiss her before, but that he didn't think it was time yet. It hadn't been a spur of the moment thing. She pulled away.

"El, it's ... it's okay. It was ... nice."

She averted her eyes, scanning the playground and blowing out a breath when she saw Noah. _Relax Benson, it was just a little kiss_. Only it wasn't. A kiss between her and Elliot could never be just a kiss. It had been their first kiss. Ever. And it had moved her deeply. She was still trembling inside. Elliot put his arm behind her on the bench again, and touched her back with his hand.

"It was nice," he confirmed. "But too soon, right?"

Olivia sighed.

"I don't know."

"Wanna try it again?"

She whipped her head around to look at him and caught his cocky grin.

"You're an asshole, Elliot Stabler," she huffed, but she was glad the mood had become lighter again.

They laughed off the moment and after a while, when Noah was beginning to get tired, Olivia thanked him for coming and being her shoulder to cry on.

"No problem," Elliot shrugged. "Anytime Liv. You know that, right?"

...

She kept wondering about that kiss. She did go to see Dr. Lindstrom like she'd promised, and he helped her put things into perspective a little better. She couldn't have known what was going to happen and she hadn't fled the scene to leave him behind on purpose. Maybe Mike's death could have been prevented, but it didn't make it her fault. She was beginning to deal with that a little.

Ed Tucker called again, and they finally decided on a lunch together with Noah on a Saturday in stead of dinner. Noah was getting used to Tucker a bit and she enjoyed seeing her son interact with someone who might become a male role model for him. She'd never seen Tucker dealing with young kids before, but she had to admit he was less awkward than she'd expected. After lunch, they went for a walk along the river. Olivia glanced at Tucker from time to time, and caught herself comparing him to Elliot. Tucker was a few years older, obviously, but he was in good shape. He had a temper so that was the same. And he cared about her. So, the same. Because Eliot showing up at the exact right time to help her through her grief proved to her that he still cared about her. They had both known her for years and knew what made her tick to some degree.

And then there was that kiss. That electrifying kiss. If she really wanted to complete her comparison, she knew what she'd have to do. She knew Tucker wouldn't mind and tried not to think about the fact that it wasn't really fair to him. What was he talking about now anyway? He was leaving IAB?

"Wow, Ed," she said. "You know, I never did ask you how you ended up in IAB to begin with."

"It's a long story," he replied so she thought he wasn't going to answer her. But then he continued. "Actually, no, it's not. After my ex and I ... she, ehm ... I just thought I could never trust anybody again."

Okay. So he'd been cheated on.

"So you joined IAB to confirm that belief."

She could relate to distrusting people. She hardly let anyone get close to her either. But then Tucker told her that he was wrong and that he did trust _her_. And she wasn't so sure he should, given her earlier musings. But he was the one who had pushed her towards Elliot in the first place, so why was he trying to get closer to her again?

"We have a good thing going here, the three of us," Tucker said, after tickling Noah.

She couldn't disagree with that. They were having a very nice afternoon.

"So... it might be nice to get away for a while," Tucker suggested and before she could ask him what he meant, he added, "How do you feel about Paris?"

Paris! She had always wanted to go to Paris. Would this be a good time to steal a kiss and see what happens? Wouldn't it be unfair to lead Tucker on like that?

"Paris?" she asked, smiling and moving closer to him.

"Yeah," Tucker said softly, clearly happy with her reaction as well as her proximity.

"I like it," she said, standing on her toes until they were face to face. It wasn't a lie. She liked Paris.

She pressed her lips to his and closed her eyes, waiting for the fireworks. And then ... nothing. They broke apart and both grinned. She wasn't going to shoot him down on the spot and had to think about what she'd just felt. Or rather, hadn't felt. They continued walking and played with Noah a bit but she was very quiet. When they walked back to the parking lot to get the car, Olivia glanced at Tucker again. She didn't want to hurt him but she had to be honest.

"Ed," she said, and when he looked at her, she could tell he already knew. Maybe he could read her better than she thought after all.

He nodded, a sad look in his eyes.

"I know, Olivia. I'm sorry. A guy can hope, right?"

She busied herself strapping Noah into the car seat and once she was done, she closed the car door and walked over to Tucker's side of the car.

"I'm flattered and it's always been my dream to go to Paris but ..."

"But not with me."

Olivia looked down and took his hands in hers, resting her head against his chest.

"I understand," he said, a slight tremor in his voice. "I'm glad you're being honest with me."

She looked up then and smiled.

"Well, like you said, you can trust me."

He leaned in and she thought she owed him at least one more kiss. Tucker wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close when he kissed her, a little more forceful than their first try. It wasn't uncomfortable but it wasn't exciting either. More like a comforting gesture and she smiled when they broke apart.

"I do hope we can have lunch again some time," Tucker said, a slight blush on his cheeks. "You know, as friends?"

Olivia nodded.

"We can. Only ... no more of this then, okay?"

Tucker let go of her and bit his lip. She felt sorry for him but she had nothing more to give him than friendship.

"Am I going to regret getting Stabler back into your life?"

It was an honest question that deserved an honest answer, as painful as it would be.

"No Ed," she replied. "It wouldn't have made a difference for you and me."

...

...

 **A/N I thought that was rather creative, even if I say so myself. I'd love to know what you think so please leave a review and/or shoot me a PM.**


	7. Conclusion

**7\. Conclusion**

It was becoming a beautiful summer and Olivia enjoyed being outside with Noah. Ed Tucker had retreated again, understanding that they would never be more than just friends. Elliot on the other hand, made sure she wouldn't forget that he was back, and that he wanted to be a part of their lives. They had met up for lunch a few times on work days, and he had asked her when they could get together again with the kids. He smiled each time he said kids, and she knew he was so happy for her that she had a child now. And it felt good to share that joy with someone. With him.

The squad was still grieving the loss of Mike Dodds and they all had support from therapists as well as each other to deal with their loss and to continue doing their jobs, knowing Mike might not be the last person they would lose.

Elliot understood loss. He'd lost several buddies in the Marines and the way he'd lost his job had also been a mourning process. He listened to Olivia when she called him at night and their friendship grew over the course of several weeks, mostly on the phone. They agreed to meet up again and when Elliot and and Eli came to her apartment to pick them up, she was pleasantly surprised to see he'd shaven off his facial hair. She felt a small pang in her gut when she saw his clean-shaven face, feeling as if she was going back in time, to when they were still partners. He still looked so good and his blue eyes sparkled at her. And at Noah.

Noah was taking to him and Eli so naturally that it warmed her heart. She loved to see her son interact with other people. He was a little shy sometimes and she wanted him to have positive experiences with other kids. And with men who might be a father figure for him. And who better to have as a male role model than Elliot Stabler ... Olivia had to remind herself not to stare at him. They were still just reconnecting as friends and she shouldn't assume that he would want to be a father figure in Noah's life. Only she didn't assume. She knew.

All the tells were there, like they had been when they were partners. Only now, the tension had been lifted. He was a free man and he showed his affection openly. His hand on her back in a busy street, brushing his arm against hers over lunch, staring at her and not looking away whenever she caught him. It was a little unsettling and it was exciting. Most of all, it felt good. Right. Like it was finally the right time for this. Them. For them to become a real _them_.

A romantic dinner sealed the deal. It was Benson and Stabler style. Not a lot of fuss, no expensive wine and they hadn't dressed up too much. This was them, finding their way at last after years of denial followed by years of distance. Their time apart had cleansed them in a way. The awkwardness was gone and had been replaced by an adult, healthy way of relating to each other. The baggage of the past was no more. They had both grown as individuals and were reconnecting on a new level, but which was still based on a lifelong friendship that could never be erased. An understanding that had withstood the test of time. And a love that would never be denied again.

He kissed her outside her apartment building. She wouldn't let him go. He followed her up and met her sitter, who left within minutes after they got there.

She kissed him in her living room. He wouldn't let her go.

They kissed each other. They wouldn't let each other go.

So he stayed, never to leave her side again.

 **THE END  
** WE ARE ALL DREAMING OF

...

 **A/N: I know this ending was short and basically just a summary, but the goal of this story really was to create another world around the tuckson scenes. I only added this little chapter so the completely inevitable was also put into words. They say Olivia has grown so much and I'm sure Elliot is somewhere out there, growing as well. So getting back together doesn't have to be complicated. It's simple because it's right. Right?**


End file.
